Drain Mystery Begins

It was a cold, rainy night when the case first landed on my desk. “Blocked Drains – Brighton” the file said. The kind of case that didn’t sit right with me. The city’s drains were clogging up, and something smelled fishier than the Yarra River. I knew I needed to get to the bottom of it, but I’d need some help.

I started by seeking out a reliable drain plumber, someone with experience in drain unblocking and a nose for trouble. I found my man in a small shop, the kind of place that smelled like grease and hard work. He was a no-nonsense guy, the kind who could tell you everything you needed to know about drain camera inspections and sewer repairs.

“Detective Plumblock,” I said, introducing myself. “I need your help with a case involving a series of blocked drains in the Brighton area.”

He eyed me up and down. “Alright, Detective. But we’d better work fast. These blockages are becoming a real problem.”

We started our investigation by visiting the affected areas, gathering evidence and talking to the locals. Quickly enough it became clear that the blockages were no accident. They were deliberate – targeted. Someone was trying to bring Melbourne to its knees, and they were using the city’s sewer system to do it.

With each blocked drain we encountered, the drain plumber would meticulously repair the damage, clearing pipes and restoring flow like a skilled surgeon. But we both knew that unblocking drains wouldn’t be enough. We needed to find the person responsible and put an end to this madness.

It was in the darkest corner of a Brighton alleyway that we found our first real clue. A strange symbol etched into the concrete, seemingly connected to the blocked drains.

With the evidence mounting and the stakes rising, we knew we had to work quickly. The fate of Melbourne rested on our shoulders, and we wouldn’t let her down. For every blocked drain we encountered, we were one step closer to the truth.

And so, our journey into the darkness began. Melbourne’s underground was about to reveal its secrets, and we were ready to face whatever lay ahead.

Conveyancing Part Five

A young couple named Ethan and Beatrice were in the process of buying their first home. Excited about the prospect of owning their own place, they quickly realised that the legal aspects of property purchase could be quite daunting. That’s when they decided to seek the help of a conveyancing team. After doing some research, Ethan and Beatrice found the most reputable firm for conveyancing Prahran had. The conveyancing team were known for their expertise and affordability, and they had great reviews from previous clients. Ethan and Beatrice decided to hire them to navigate the legal complexities of their property purchase.

The conveyancing team quickly got to work, reviewing the contract of sale, conducting property searches, and ensuring that all legal requirements were met. They kept Ethan and Beatrice informed at every step of the process and promptly addressed any questions or concerns they had. Ethan and Beatrice were pleasantly surprised to find that the cost of hiring conveyancing solicitors was more affordable than they had anticipated. They had initially been worried about the expense of hiring professionals, but they realised that the peace of mind and expertise provided by the conveyancing team was well worth it.

As the conveyancing process progressed smoothly, Ethan and Beatrice were able to focus on other aspects of their home purchase, such as getting a mortgage and packing up their belongings. They appreciated the efficiency and professionalism of the conveyancing solicitors, who made the legal process seamless and stress-free. Finally, the conveyancing team successfully completed the property purchase for Ethan and Beatrice. They were thrilled to receive the keys to their new home in Prahran and move in without any legal hiccups. They were grateful for the affordable services of the conveyancing solicitors, who had helped them make their dream of homeownership a reality. As they settled into their new home, they couldn’t help but feel grateful for the conveyancing team who had made the process smooth and affordable. They happily recommended their conveyancing solicitors to their friends and family, knowing that the expertise and affordability of their services would be a great help to anyone looking to buy a property. 

Dark Lord’s House

How does a Dark Lord of the Zith choose a home? I never thought I would settle down on Earth, but after being thrown down a giant shaft, faking my own death and racing away in a spaceship, I have to lie low somewhere for the next thirty or so years until eventually I am needed once again. In the meantime, I’ll just let my entire army take control of the galaxy, while I’m taking a holiday on Earth. I randomly chose my destination and have landed in the metropolitan area of Melbourne. At first, I wandered down the street (countless people fleeing in terror), until eventually I cornered somebody and asked where exactly I was, and how I would go about acquiring a home. “You’re in the Bayside suburb of Brighton. You should probably see a buyer’s agent about getting a house because nobody would ever sell to you. Please don’t hurt me, Mr Monster!”

A buyer’s agent? Brighton? Very well. So long as galactic credits were acceptable currency, I’d be able to buy whatever home I wanted. Indeed, I did find a buyer’s agent to help me with the purchase. Although I was greatly insulted by the idea that I would need a house with aid for the elderly, a few magic-assisted backflips ended that conversation promptly. Now, this particular buyer’s agency for Melbourne property thought they had the perfect place that I could buy. The problem is, it doesn’t really match my style. My vibe is more of a futuristic spaceship one, and I’m not really feeling it with these Brighton homes. Maybe I need to try looking in another suburb because these ones are just too white for me. If the walls were dark grey or black, I could definitely get behind that.

Of course, there’s also the matter of galactic credits not being acceptable on Earth, since it technically isn’t from my galaxy. I knew I should have made it a universal empire, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Perhaps next time I become emperor, I’ll expand us out beyond the galaxy. I’m sure that won’t go wrong at all.

Home Buying Issues

So today we have the meeting with the buyers’ advocate! We’re all really excited. We agreed that we needed to come prepared and so we’ve all written down individual lists of what we want from a property, including the location, number of bedrooms and bathrooms, outdoor space and more. Pretty much anything we could think of that we feel is important for buying a house we’ve put on the list. 

The three biggest things on my list are the location, the access to public transport and outdoor areas. I’m going to make sure that I’m the first person to hand their list to the buyers’ agent. In the Brighton East area, there seem to be quite a few houses up for sale. Mind you, they’re not overly affordable, but we all have full-time jobs and can get loans from the bank. I’ve done the math and if we pull all our loans together then we’ll be able to live just about anywhere… but I want to live in the southeast suburbs. 

It’ll be interesting to see everyone else’s list. What happens if they’re all completely different? I mean we’re best friends and we’ve all grown up near each other so surely our lists would be similar… right? I assume the buyers’ advocate will be able to help us find something that is a close enough match to everything we want. And then once we’ve found a place that suits all our needs we’ll be able to buy a house yeah? That’s got to be doable with the help of a buyers’ advocate. Near Elsternwick, there are apparently quite a few properties available as well, so I think we’ll get lucky and find something that works for all of us. I’ll keep you guys updated!

Okay, things have gone wrong. Two of us want to buy in the same area and the other two want to buy in completely different areas. It doesn’t take a buyers’ advocate to know that we’re in trouble.

Changing Houses

Since I have been doing so many interviews with house hunters from Forgotten Springs, a woman by the name of Bes got in contact with me, asking for some advice. I met with Bes at the local park, where we had a good discussion while sitting on a swing set.

“I’m not sure my tactics for house purchasing are working out too well. See, as a changeling, I can alter my appearance to look however I want. Recently, I’ve been going to house sales looking like really famous people, because I figure they’ll be willing to give me a better deal that way, just for the honour of having a sports star or famous actor living in their old home. But when they see me, they suddenly drive up the price to the point where I can’t afford it. At first, I thought maybe I was just getting unlucky and they didn’t like whoever I appeared as. But it’s been consistent enough that I think something else is going on.”

I explain to Bes how most real estate agents will drive up the price for famous people because they must have the money to pay for it. That’s why famous people go to a buyer’s advocacy in the Melbourne area—they can negotiate with the real estate agents on their behalf so that their identity remains anonymous.

“So, what you’re saying is that I should be appearing as boring, no-name people who won’t attract attention? I haven’t tried that. It sounds so crazy that it just might work. Alternatively, I could go to a buyer’s advocate around Hampton, where I want to live, and get them to do it for me.”

I tell Bes about how a lot of people throughout Forgotten Springs are using buyer’s agents to find their dream homes. Even Kagan the orc found a place exactly where he wanted. She seems pleased with the idea and is going to get in contact with one as soon as possible.

Bi-Weekly Foot Injury

I’ve got to be the clumsiest person in the world. Every second week I’m injured from either falling over or something falling into me. I don’t know why I manage to attract so much danger and bad luck, but it is what it is.

Yesterday, in perfect accordance with my bi-weekly injury tally, I fell over and injured my foot. Now, I’m no stranger to foot injuries. When you fall over as much as I do, you’re bound to injure your foot at least once every couple of months. As soon as I felt the sharp pain in my foot that I’ve felt so many times before, I knew that I would have to call my podiatrist. Cheltenham is a relatively big suburb, and so my podiatrist has a lot of clients that she attends to. I doubt she is able to remember them all by name, but she without a doubt remembers me. We’ve honestly become friends over the last ten years, due to the fact I have to visit her every couple of months or so.

I often wonder if she has any other patients like me. I assume she would see some patients just as regularly, but probably for more serious ongoing issues. Every time I visit her I’m visiting for a different reason, purely because I’ve hurt myself in the days before. 

I remember once I really threw a spanner in the works when I visited my podiatrist for an issue that wasn’t related to a foot injury. This was the most embarrassed I had been going into her practice, even more embarrassed than when I dropped a hammer on my foot and it was blue and swollen. I was embarrassed because I had toenail fungus.

I had accidentally let the fungus spread across all my toes when I was distracted by an injury to my collarbone. She was shocked that I had come into her practice for anything other than an injury, but I think she was also pleasantly surprised that I hadn’t hurt myself for once. I didn’t tell her about the issues I was facing with my collarbone…

Journey Inside

I’ve got this fantastic idea for an interior design concept. You’re going to love it. Just promise you won’t copy it, okay? I’m putting my trust in you, reader, to do the right thing and let me be the one to realise this visionary idea.

In essence, the idea is for a home interior that evokes being inside a human body. Cool, right? I’m thinking about this in a semi-realist kind of way. I’m imagining a blood red colour palette, low lighting, and perhaps even hidden speakers emitting churing, squelching sounds, strategically positioned at key points in the journey through the space. The whole point, after all, is for it to be a journey, if not a total revolution in what a living space can be.

The tricky part is going to be finding a team willing to take on this ambitious project. Admittedly, I haven’t thought through the logistics at this point, although designers are fairly adventurous around here. When it comes to kitchen and bathroom renovations for Melbourne homes, it’s not uncommon to see some pretty edgy design features. For example, my friend just got an infrared sauna installed in her bathroom, which takes up the entire second floor of her townhouse and also includes a cold plunge pool with indoor cave ‘landscaping’.

Yes, I’m aware that this sort of thing is restricted to certain circles – namely, those with a lot of money to toss around – but the fact is, that’s the playing field I have at my disposal. Do you think I’d be going for a conceptual interior if I wasn’t loaded? I’ve bought and renovated several high end homes now, which means (a) I have kitchen designers on speed dial, and (b) I’m hanging out to do something really out-there.


What I mean is, I’m in a position to take a so-called design ‘risk’. It won’t really be a risk, though, because I’m going to be living in this place, not trying to sell it. This is simply want I want from my own living space.


Tea Terrors

I’ve got some new scoop on Miranda and Jennifer, and their recent return to the village. Sherrilyn has confirmed our suspicions that they’re here to reboot the teashop, but apparently without a known source for their star ingredient. Apparently, all the podiatrists in the region have gotten wind of precisely what the sisters have been doing with the bags of toenail clippings they’ve been collecting from the clinics, and are now refusing to participate in the scheme.

That means Miranda and Jennifer must either find a new source for nail clippings, or else think of a new ‘secret’ ingredient. Honestly, I’m not convinced that toenails have any beneficial properties when consumed orally, even if they have been finely powdered and cured in a jar with a single moon-charged bay leaf. So I’m holding out hope that they’ll switch to elderflowers or something.

Unfortunately for everyone, their track record isn’t promising. Before they got onto toenails in tea, they were using old compression socks to flavour honey. This was common knowledge among the local wyrd folk and we all avoided the shop like the plague, but the townsfolk were completely oblivious and saw it as a delicacy, praising its ‘earthy’ and ‘curious’ flavour.

We couldn’t tell them. It would have led to yet another shunning, and the last time that happened there were pitchforks involved. It can get pretty messy. So we just let it be and hoped it would go away, which it eventually did when all the podiatrists around Cheltenham stopped supplying the sisters with used compression socks.

At the time, I thought that was because the podiatrists had figured out what the socks were being used for. I assumed they were keeping mum about it so as not to be seen as complicit in the deed. But then they moved right onto supplying toenails clippings, so I guess there must have been some other reason they stopped with the socks.

We can only hope that Miranda and Jennifer have discovered what you can do with flowers and herbs since we last saw them.

Lack of Office Tinting

After coming back into the office after a six month stint working from home, I expected things to look different. Not too different obviously, because I know that my bosses are pretty stingy, but they had so much time to make the improvements our office so desperately needs. I mean if no one’s in the office for six months, it shouldn’t be that hard to bite the bullet and just get some office tinting. Within Melbourne, we constantly have people peeping into our office while we work. It’s just uncomfortable for everyone inside the office and it could’ve been easily rectified when everyone was working from home.

I’d love it if we got the windows in our office tinted. Our company is on the ground level of a massive skyscraper in the city, so there is a lot of foot traffic in the front of our building. If the windows were tinted like they should be, we’d probably have people walk past the windows and check their teeth or do something funny. Seeing stuff like that periodically throughout the day would give me a laugh and really lift my spirits, in addition to making me feel like my coworkers and I finally have some privacy. There’s honestly nothing creepier than being hard at work and then looking up at the window only to see someone staring straight back at you. 

I’m honestly really disappointed in my workplace. I don’t understand why they think that maintaining a decent level of comfort for their employees is something that they can avoid. We would feel at least 90% more comfortable if we just had frosted window glass to protect our privacy from the outside world. They know that every employee feels the same way I do and yet they chose to be lazy and cheap and not do anything about it. I think I’m going to start searching for a new job.

Bigger, Better Renovations

I was the type of person that just didn’t really care about things. I know that’s not the most attractive trait, but once again, I don’t really care. People called me aloof and out of touch, but again, I don’t care. The truth is, when you are born with plenty of money and won’t have to worry about it for your entire life, it’s easy to become complacent and not put effort into things. Obviously I’m only speaking from my own experience, but I’d say that played a big part in my complacency. I’ve gotten better about being less complacent, but generally, I still am.

So when I bought my first house eight years ago, I obviously wasn’t as excited as the average person. I appreciated how nice the house was and obviously knew it was about ten times more expensive than the average Melbourne home, but other than that I wasn’t really phased. I’ll never forget the look on the builders’ faces when they did the bathroom remodel, when they saw how incredible it was. I know they were wondering why I would need to renovate any part of it. But at that point I figured that I may as well, so why not? When you have plenty of money, bigger is better.

I did the same with the laundry. I knew for a fact that the laundry designer would have never designed a laundry as extravagant as the one in my home, and that the idea that I wanted to go bigger and better than the best laundry they would have ever seen was wild to them. They didn’t have to tell me any of this, I could tell by their faces. But this was all a part of the fun… one-upping people is one of the only things I actually care about. So yeah, that kick started me single-handedly establishing that designer as the greatest laundry renovation specialist Melbourne has ever seen.

The resulting bathrooms and laundry really were something else. They were featured in all different home design magazines and also won some awards. I’ll admit, I did feel a sense of pride after that.