Property Practicalities Not On Dad’s Radar

property buyers agentDad has never been the type to get caught up in the details. This can be a good quality when it comes to certain things, like making stupendous pancakes, improvising a tune on the piano or figuring out what makes a Maltese terrier tick. But it can be a bit of a problem when it comes to other stuff – filing a tax return, for instance, or purchasing property.

Well, right now, dad is in the process of buying a house. At least, he’s gearing up to be, but he doesn’t seem to realise that there’s more to it than just handing over a wad of cash. I mean, maybe there isn’t when’t it comes to some of the more obscure off-market opportunities, but even then there’d have to be some paperwork. There’s no doubt that he has the money to snag the kind of thing he’s after; he just needs to get his act together on the technical front.

You’d think the man had some kind of allergy to title deeds, buyer agreements, architectural assessments and anything that even vaguely whiffs of the official. There’s no other explanation for his refusal to try and figure this stuff out; I mean, on the whole, he’s more than competent when he wants to be. How else could he have made such a successful career as a musical theatre critic?

I think I’m going to have to intervene and get to hiring him a buyers agent. Melbourne property isn’t exactly the easiest market to break into if you know what you’re doing, let alone if you believe you can just waltz in and grab whatever you want, when you want it. He needs a real estate professional to help him get real: draw up a brief of his buying parameters, identify appropriate sales scenarios, assess the properties architecturally and with regard to the brief, and negotiate with vendors on his behalf.

Maybe dad’s approach is something to do with his having been on the move for the past few years, rotating between short-term rental properties organised by his agent in London. Go figure. 

Let’s Improve the Kitchen We Never See

kitchen desinger MelbourneI’ve grown terribly bored of our kitchen, and I’ve only been in there a couple of times. Of course, I’m talking about the prime kitchen that services the main dining hall. Kitchens two, three, four and…let’s say six are all on the list, although I don’t think we’ve ever had to use them so that’s quite far down said list.

But the prime kitchen? Oh, it’s just so outdated. I went in there the other day after dinner to pay my compliments to the chef- the lobster thermidor was especially excellent, thus causing me to break my usual mantra of not interacting with the help- and I noticed that the place just isn’t up to our standard. Whitehall Chapel is a place that deserves contemporary kitchen design, even if it’s a room that we never actually see. I just can’t stand the thought of it being there…existing…right next to the room where we dine! I know the lavender tiles were my idea, but ideas have moved on. I met up with Lena Pettiwell the other day for scones and a live violin concerto, and she said that she gets comprehensive kitchen renovations every six months.

Why haven’t I thought of that? Just because we never actually see the kitchen? That’s no reason to become slack. We have standards to uphold, for our good name. Oh, and we have some connections with companies that let you custom design your own kitchen. I’d been needing a personal project after the topiary was finished and the stables were just renovated. We don’t even have horses at the moment, but…well, you can’t live in a manor house and not have stables. A manor house without stables is like a manor house without custom designer kitchen renovations. It’s a horrible space that isn’t worth living in. And while we’re on the subject, the dining hall is so 18th century. Perhaps more chrome. More chrome everywhere!