How does a Dark Lord of the Zith choose a home? I never thought I would settle down on Earth, but after being thrown down a giant shaft, faking my own death and racing away in a spaceship, I have to lie low somewhere for the next thirty or so years until eventually I am needed once again. In the meantime, I’ll just let my entire army take control of the galaxy, while I’m taking a holiday on Earth. I randomly chose my destination and have landed in the metropolitan area of Melbourne. At first, I wandered down the street (countless people fleeing in terror), until eventually I cornered somebody and asked where exactly I was, and how I would go about acquiring a home. “You’re in the Bayside suburb of Brighton. You should probably see a buyer’s agent about getting a house because nobody would ever sell to you. Please don’t hurt me, Mr Monster!”
A buyer’s agent? Brighton? Very well. So long as galactic credits were acceptable currency, I’d be able to buy whatever home I wanted. Indeed, I did find a buyer’s agent to help me with the purchase. Although I was greatly insulted by the idea that I would need a house with aid for the elderly, a few magic-assisted backflips ended that conversation promptly. Now, this particular buyer’s agency for Melbourne property thought they had the perfect place that I could buy. The problem is, it doesn’t really match my style. My vibe is more of a futuristic spaceship one, and I’m not really feeling it with these Brighton homes. Maybe I need to try looking in another suburb because these ones are just too white for me. If the walls were dark grey or black, I could definitely get behind that.
Of course, there’s also the matter of galactic credits not being acceptable on Earth, since it technically isn’t from my galaxy. I knew I should have made it a universal empire, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Perhaps next time I become emperor, I’ll expand us out beyond the galaxy. I’m sure that won’t go wrong at all.
