Dark Lord’s House

How does a Dark Lord of the Zith choose a home? I never thought I would settle down on Earth, but after being thrown down a giant shaft, faking my own death and racing away in a spaceship, I have to lie low somewhere for the next thirty or so years until eventually I am needed once again. In the meantime, I’ll just let my entire army take control of the galaxy, while I’m taking a holiday on Earth. I randomly chose my destination and have landed in the metropolitan area of Melbourne. At first, I wandered down the street (countless people fleeing in terror), until eventually I cornered somebody and asked where exactly I was, and how I would go about acquiring a home. “You’re in the Bayside suburb of Brighton. You should probably see a buyer’s agent about getting a house because nobody would ever sell to you. Please don’t hurt me, Mr Monster!”

A buyer’s agent? Brighton? Very well. So long as galactic credits were acceptable currency, I’d be able to buy whatever home I wanted. Indeed, I did find a buyer’s agent to help me with the purchase. Although I was greatly insulted by the idea that I would need a house with aid for the elderly, a few magic-assisted backflips ended that conversation promptly. Now, this particular buyer’s agency for Melbourne property thought they had the perfect place that I could buy. The problem is, it doesn’t really match my style. My vibe is more of a futuristic spaceship one, and I’m not really feeling it with these Brighton homes. Maybe I need to try looking in another suburb because these ones are just too white for me. If the walls were dark grey or black, I could definitely get behind that.

Of course, there’s also the matter of galactic credits not being acceptable on Earth, since it technically isn’t from my galaxy. I knew I should have made it a universal empire, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Perhaps next time I become emperor, I’ll expand us out beyond the galaxy. I’m sure that won’t go wrong at all.

Home Buying Issues

So today we have the meeting with the buyers’ advocate! We’re all really excited. We agreed that we needed to come prepared and so we’ve all written down individual lists of what we want from a property, including the location, number of bedrooms and bathrooms, outdoor space and more. Pretty much anything we could think of that we feel is important for buying a house we’ve put on the list. 

The three biggest things on my list are the location, the access to public transport and outdoor areas. I’m going to make sure that I’m the first person to hand their list to the buyers’ agent. In the Brighton East area, there seem to be quite a few houses up for sale. Mind you, they’re not overly affordable, but we all have full-time jobs and can get loans from the bank. I’ve done the math and if we pull all our loans together then we’ll be able to live just about anywhere… but I want to live in the southeast suburbs. 

It’ll be interesting to see everyone else’s list. What happens if they’re all completely different? I mean we’re best friends and we’ve all grown up near each other so surely our lists would be similar… right? I assume the buyers’ advocate will be able to help us find something that is a close enough match to everything we want. And then once we’ve found a place that suits all our needs we’ll be able to buy a house yeah? That’s got to be doable with the help of a buyers’ advocate. Near Elsternwick, there are apparently quite a few properties available as well, so I think we’ll get lucky and find something that works for all of us. I’ll keep you guys updated!

Okay, things have gone wrong. Two of us want to buy in the same area and the other two want to buy in completely different areas. It doesn’t take a buyers’ advocate to know that we’re in trouble.