Politicians aim to clean up the streets

carpet cleaningA prominent politician has managed to pass a bizarre bill through the lower court, which states that all visitors to the city must remove their shoes before entering carpeted areas.

The shoe rule is only one of a number of new rules attached to the bill, which proposes sweeping changes to the levels of cleanliness within the city area.

“It’s for everyone’s good, we’re saving carpets from stains,” says Gregor Royal, the politician who drafted and introduced the bill. “Under the new legislation, visitors will remove their shoes before entering a carpeted area, as is polite. A common sight will be carpet cleaning in Melbourne with their dry clean machine-powered efficiency. Anyone wishing to browse a government owned building must consent to being sterilized before entering.”

Mr Royal has stated that this is only the first stage in a number of bills that will render the Melbourne CBD the cleanest city in the world. Currently, tens of thousands of bottles of hand sanitiser have been ordered to be distributed to every citizen, and measurements are being taken to help the city to accommodate the fleet of carpet cleaners that are soon to be hitting the streets.

Though the bill was initially stated to have very little chance of being passed, politicians have reported that a stirring speech from Mr Royal brought many of them around. “He made us see the benefits of having carpet dry cleaning,” Melbourne lower court politician Sarah Kane said. “After all, we all hate it when something of ours gets dirty. Just the thought of people tromping around with their muddy boots shouldn’t be tolerated. Treat all areas as if it were our own carpet.”

Residents have been advised to avoid the streets during the testing period, as the fleet of cleaners will be working on a number of intersections with their trial cleaning.

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