To Render, or Not to Render?

Melbourne concrete renderingI am most certainly not one to ‘splash out’, despite what you may think. I don’t run a successful business empire because I was willing to spend money willy-nilly; no, I’ve built the Clancey family fortune by working hard, saving pennies and being amazingly brilliant at my job, if I do say so myself. Which I do. I say it magnificently, because I have a full knowledge of my own talents. Any man who does not cannot be expected to succeed.

There has only come a single time when I considered a major indulgence. The yachts, the rolls, the stain glass windows and extension to living room eighteen…all, I considered necessary investments. However, after becoming interested in the industry, I had an inclination towards rendering. Melbourne rendering is a popular service amongst those wishing to give their home a chic edge. Now, Whitehall is a marvellous piece of structural beauty, but even I have to admit that some of the design is archaic. Concrete rendering might give it a do-over that I consider to be highly necessary. The only thing holding me back was the size of the structure, and thus the cost. The mansion is many times larger than a regular home, or even a regular mansion, and this rendering the entire thing would be like asking the same of a skyscraper. I had considered only having the visible parts done, but that will simply not do. Sometimes my clients and I go on hunting trips on the grounds, and when riding back they shall clearly see that the rear of the mansion remains un-rendered. It would be an abomination indeed. Thus, I must make the decision. It is, as they say, all or nothing.

It does look rather majestic. My business associate over in Sorrento had his beach home rendered for the viewing pleasure of all coastal visitors. This was what made me interested in Melbourne’s concrete rendering industry. Perhaps I can get a quote…

-Percival Clancey III

Perhaps Styling Could Fill the Time

property stagingI just get so bored hanging round the house, sometimes. I say sometimes because there are other times when I’m completely engrossed in Week of Our Lives. It’s very engrossing! And then there are the times when I’m just head over heels for Next Door People, and if not that it becomes House and Not There. But in those moments in between I just tend to wander around, maybe feed the horses, have a choir brought in from the city to sing to me, go out on the jet-ski, lounge around on the beach, have a ski slope set up on the grounds and slide down a few times, go for a helicopter ride, host a diner party, host a tea party or just hop in the buggy and visit the family burial ground down by the lake.

It’s rather empty. I had Margaretta over yesterday, and SHE said she’s filling in her time with a bit of property staging. Her husband Fitzroy is a bit of a property mogul, like my Percy, and she helps him out by going to people’s houses and telling them what they need to do to sell the place at its maximum value. Things like replacing the curtains in the drawing room and installing a new security system on the gates that includes retinal scans instead of just boring old fingerprint. Sounds terribly exciting! I’m well into my soaps, but Margaretta has always gravitated towards the renovation shows. You know, Banned Design (where people try to add illegal things to their houses, like laser tripwires), Ann Tique’s Road Show (about that nice lady Ann who busks on her local high street every day for a living) and Vocation, Vacation, Vocation, the show about people going on holidays that are far too expensive for their budget and job and how they struggle to make ends meet after they get back.

Not really my thing, but Margaretta has gotten all her property styling knowledge from watching them nonstop. I know for a fact that Percy works with property stylists, because he has meetings and…well, it’s to do with property. He has fingers in ALL those pies. So, is Melbourne’s home styling industry ready for one more? I’m sure Percy could make it happen. Anything but staying bored!


Goodness, it’s Raining Gargoyles

roof restoration MelbourneOr perhaps rendering can wait. That’s the thing about owning a larger-than-usual home: problems are grander in scale and more expensive to fix! You’re probably aware that we’ve been having some windy weather recently, though not any more than normal for this time of year. In any case, I’ve been so preoccupied with the business side of things leading up to Christmas that I neglected certain aspects of the upkeep. I had hoped Cecelia might have kept me informed, given how much time she spent around the house, but…well, she spends so much time glued to that screen.

The gargoyle that sits above the terrace had been threatening to fall for months…and finally, it gave way. We awoke to find our summer breakfast spot with a large hole in the roof, shattered pieces of gargoyle all around. Of course, Melbourne’s roof restoration is a business with which I’m rather familiar, as I’m rather familiar with just about any business. Knowing business is my business. Still, there is now a gargoyle-shaped hole in the roof, and I’m wondering if it’s time to scrap the structure altogether. I had always envisioned a glass dome around the terrace, rather like a conservatory. It may be quite uninhabitable in summer, but would make an excellent winter retreat with a bit of under-floor heating to keep the place warm.

Such choices. Keep the terrace and have the roof restored, or construct a conservatory? I am a man of change; if I see an opportunity to renovate rather than simply fix, I must take it. It is within my nature to expand. The only problem is that Cecelia adores the terrace and its view over the grounds.

In any case, I think I shall still call for roof maintenance. Melbourne weather is a fickle thing, and I want to make sure there are no repeats of the gargoyle incident. I now find myself casting suspicious glances at Gregorian and Leonidas, the twin lions that sit atop the entrance hall. I don’t want a brisk wind causing us to have to use the side entrance for a month!

-Percival Clancey III

Politicians aim to clean up the streets

carpet cleaningA prominent politician has managed to pass a bizarre bill through the lower court, which states that all visitors to the city must remove their shoes before entering carpeted areas.

The shoe rule is only one of a number of new rules attached to the bill, which proposes sweeping changes to the levels of cleanliness within the city area.

“It’s for everyone’s good, we’re saving carpets from stains,” says Gregor Royal, the politician who drafted and introduced the bill. “Under the new legislation, visitors will remove their shoes before entering a carpeted area, as is polite. A common sight will be carpet cleaning in Melbourne with their dry clean machine-powered efficiency. Anyone wishing to browse a government owned building must consent to being sterilized before entering.”

Mr Royal has stated that this is only the first stage in a number of bills that will render the Melbourne CBD the cleanest city in the world. Currently, tens of thousands of bottles of hand sanitiser have been ordered to be distributed to every citizen, and measurements are being taken to help the city to accommodate the fleet of carpet cleaners that are soon to be hitting the streets.

Though the bill was initially stated to have very little chance of being passed, politicians have reported that a stirring speech from Mr Royal brought many of them around. “He made us see the benefits of having carpet dry cleaning,” Melbourne lower court politician Sarah Kane said. “After all, we all hate it when something of ours gets dirty. Just the thought of people tromping around with their muddy boots shouldn’t be tolerated. Treat all areas as if it were our own carpet.”

Residents have been advised to avoid the streets during the testing period, as the fleet of cleaners will be working on a number of intersections with their trial cleaning.

Baby steps at the podiatrist

podiatrist CheltenhamAs a parent, keeping yourself safe and healthy is one of the best ways to ensure that your child grows up healthy and safe as well. One of the most overlooked factors when a child is injured is the health and wellbeing of the caring parent at the time. Keeping yourself well comes down to taking care of your body.

A common area that many people overlook is the feet. Think about it, most parents are on their feet all day long running around after their children. Your feet are the cornerstone of your entire skeletal system, and it’s what helps keep us moving. By keeping a close eye on your feet, you can ensure a greater chance that you can keep your child safer.

Caring for your feet is about knowing your limits and being vigilant. By keeping an eye out for potentially foot injuring activities, and making sure to see a foot specialist in Cheltenham should a problem arise, you can mitigate most of the risks.

I myself had a lot of foot problem when I was younger. I admit that I was not my best at that time and I did not go and seek the help of a podiatrist, a point of weakness that I regret. Luckily, there has not been any long term serious issues with my feet. I do need to see the foot doctor on occasion to take care of Ingrown toe nails. Cheltenham has a fantastic foot clinic that my whole family goes to. I would urge any parents, or parent to be, to seek the help of a foot specialist if you have any concerns. Especially if you are pregnant, seeing a podiatrist can be a great way to relieve pain and to ensure that you are doing everything you can for the health of both you and your baby. See the help of a professional podiatrist.

I Do Like to Be Beside the Seaside…

Lorne luxury hotelI should very much like to go away again. Going away is so delightful. I think while the boats are being fixed that option is off the cards, but we could always stay landlocked and go to one of the many hotels Father owns. In fact, I don’t think we’ve ever been to a hotel that Father does not own, so there’s that to consider.

I don’t really know…Daddy’s business goes right over my head, and whenever I ask he tells me to go and play with my dolls. Still, he has promised me my own holiday getaway when I turn sixteen, even though that is many years away, and I have my sights set on Lorne. The Luxury accommodation there is simply marvellous, though I don’t think our family owns anything there currently. Quite a number of my school chums have spoken about what exciting times they’ve had there, so I don’t see why not. I’ve heard the beaches are excellent for shells and rock pools, which despite Mummy’s constant warnings I simply adore exploring. Perhaps there will also be caves to venture into. Caves filled with treasure and smugglers, and a group of us from school will end up getting the smugglers arrested and we shall be the town heroes!

I’ve been reading about such things in my Edith Blighty books. Those children and their dog are always getting themselves into such exciting situations involving smugglers and lashings of ginger beer…it makes one want to jump into the books and go adventuring alongside them! Though Mummy said I shouldn’t wish such things, being a lady and such, and I should focus on my education. I’m afraid I cannot help imagining. I will own my beach apartment in Lorne, and me and my friend shall have such adventures, even if they and my friends are all imaginary. Imaginary is the best kind of thing, I think.


Getting the Family Back on the Boat!

outboard motor repair companyI keep telling Percy he needs to take a break. Golly, we ALL need to take a little break once in a while! We haven’t been out sailing in forever, and now the weather’s getting better it’s the perfect opportunity. I’ve been trying to decide which of our yachts we should take on a sail around the coast, if I ever manage to pry Percy away from his office. The Majestica is my favourite, mostly because we had the bar installed right outside the cabins and there’s always a carrot juice available when you need one.

Oh, but that one’s gone into the shop. Something about a problem with the anchor winch. Melbourne professionals deal with all these boat details and I can never keep up. We just give them the keys and tell them to sort it out while we pick from another of our boats. No need to fill my head with all kinds of information I don’t need. Well, maybe one day if we were shipwrecked, but…we have GPS now! So I don’t even need to worry about a thing.

Well, my second-favourite is the Jillian, named after Percival’s mother. That’s a bit odd for me, because I ruly hated Jillian with a passion. Always in our business, always hovering around and dropping hints that I wasn’t good enough for the family. I suppose I got my revenge in the end, because I married into the family and she’s dead now. But Percy loved his mother, so he decked out the boat with all the modern conveniences and made is properly stately. The carrot juice just never tastes as good there, however. The WiFi is just awful.

I seem to remember us going sailing a lot more when the children were younger. Perhaps Percy just had a bit less on his plate then…whereas now I have to content myself with soaps. Perhaps I can make Melbourne’s outboard motor repair a pet project of mine, just so I can guess when my favourite boat will be ready to sail. Have a look on the Google, perhaps. But then it’d be a matter of GETTING my husband on the boat. Or out of the office at all.


My mother: a vain child

anti wrinkle injectionsUnbelievable.

My mother is a mess. Honestly, most of the time I have no idea what she’s doing. It’s like she’s had this huge mental break and decided that she’s just going to be completely irrational. I guess it probably has something to do with the fact that dad’s just married Sal, but honestly, she’s a grown woman and this is ridiculous.

She Snapchatted me on Thursday (becoming a fervent social media user is just one of the many symptoms of her new madness) showing me a picture of her getting an anti wrinkle injection in Melbourne. Just a quick disclaimer: I have nothing against getting anti wrinkle injections, or any kind of cosmetic surgery for that matter. In fact, I’m all for self-love and self-care and taking care of you and your needs. But here is a woman with two maxed credit cards who is struggling to make rent spending way in excess of her means. Honestly, she’s like a child with absolutely no conception of responsibilities. Actually, she knows she has responsibilities, she just doesn’t seem to care anymore. I mean, last month it she was telling me all about her dermal fillers – Melbourne high society’s newest trend, apparently – and just a short month later she’s getting some kind of botox? It’s all just madness, plain and simple.

Here’s the problem, though. I don’t want to be the one bailing her out. When they split, I vowed to be the neutral party, but if mother begins to lean on me a little too heavily, everything becomes unequal and I know that if I try and spend more time with dad to even it out a little, mum will get mad. She’s basically pushing me into a lose-lose situation here: either I do nothing and watch her accrue debt until she drowns in it, or I step in to help and alienate my father. So yeah. Thanks mum.

Simple Television Fanaticism

TV antenna installationThat we must cater to Mother’s TV whims is rather tiresome. If you ask me, television is a distraction from the truly important things in life, such as making enormous amounts of money and making oneself look presentable for business partners, so that one may go on to seal deals and make enormous amounts of money. Mother fritters away so much of her time on the idiot box that I wonder what effect it has on her psyche. I shall have to ask Andronicus, my Thursday tutor.

Of course, like all things, television can be used for good. No, I do not cast aspersion on those who undertake TV antenna installation in Melbourne nor do I scorn the industry itself. There are a select few programmes I find agreeable, especially after a long day of study and intense concentration. For example, you may argue that Adolescent Mutated Shinobi Terrapins is low-brow, cheap entertainment that can only be enjoyed by the common masses. However, I have regularly managed to find deeper and more profound themes within the show that convince me of its worthiness. What are they? They are many, and great, and incredibly varied. No, I cannot name any right now. It’s very obvious; perhaps you should watch it yourself!

So you see, television has its place. For one thing, it does entertain the common masses, and of course Father has his connections and investments in the industry, as he does in most all of them. For example, he owns Channel 67, which mostly broadcasts surprisingly popular programmes about wallpapering. Apparently the demographic is elderly. Undoubtedly the industry of Melbourne’s antennas shall soon be under the Clancy grasp, which I shall one day inherit. Perhaps I shall take advantage of my position of power and answer some of Mother’s complaints about there being ‘nothing good to watch’. Somehow. Oh, and AMST marathons, so that all may appreciate the genius.

-Archibald Clancy II

A Splendid, Common Party!

kids play centreArchibald went to a party yesterday. Now, I’m quite used to parties involving violins, live dance troupes, French canapes and light conversation over seafood. Personally, I find it all a little bit tiresome; just once I’d like a group of school chums over for a good chat, and maybe some of this ‘fish and chips’ business that commoners talk about all the time. It sounds rather scrumptious, I must say.

Alas, Mother and Father seem obsessed with seafood. But anyway, this party of Archibald’s. It was indeed a school chum and it sounded like a real hoot. You maybe have heard of indoor play centres. Bayswater has one, so says Matilda from class 3C, and they sound a little bit frightening, if also rather fun. Now, Mother and Father would never let us go to one, as they are for the common folk, but Archibald’s friend had another idea. He had some engineering folks come and set up a play centre on the mansion grounds, so they had the place to themselves. The entire structure was temporary, or so I’m told, and they had marvellous fun with the custom-made delights and entertainment.

This makes a little bit more sense to me. The play centres of which I have heard before seem to cater more to a younger audience, perhaps even younger than myself at the age of seven. No doubt there would be fun to be had, but perhaps it would be in limited supply. By Archie’s telling, there were engineering puzzles, mathematical conundrums to be solved and a host of other intellectual pursuits that made the party much more fun than simply playing one one’s own whims. Or rather…I think so.

Perhaps once I would like to try a play centre. They are also birthday party venues, Bentleigh East and Bayswater being two such examples. Imagine such a thing! Oh, to be one of the common folk, if only for a day…